Anticipating the Birthday

The closer it gets to our birthdays, the more we anticipate the day and how we will celebrate it, or at least I do. The minute March approaches, I always start thinking about things I want as gifts, things I'll do, and the people I'll hear from. Being away from home and at college, somehow I anticipated that this birthday would be more special. After turning 19 this wednesday, I realized how much more special spending birthdays with my family members was. This birthday turned out a lot more different than I expected. Coming down with the flu the night before, I realized that this birthday wouldn't be as joyous as the rest. I barely made it to classes, and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. I thought back to what it would be like celebrating at home, and how my grandmother would make be soup and cater tea until she felt at ease with my health. I also considered the fruit cake my grandma always made me, and no East commons cupcake could compare. I missed waking up to my mom surprising me with things I've always wanted but never directly asked for. Being sick in bed on my birthday was unfortunate, but it was everyone else's response or blessing of how that day should have been for me that made me homesick.

Like my mother, I always understood that my birthday is just a normal day like any other in the year, so I don't consider there to be some major life changing event that happens once I become a year older. Everyone called me to wish me, "an amazing day," "a crazy night," "one of the best days of the year," and "a beautiful day." I sat there reading my facebook birthday notifications, and all I could think was it was the complete opposite of what I anticipated it to be, as well as what my family and friends anticipated that day for me. Walking back from class I was stuck in a penn state bizarre and random hail storm, and I became so sick that I didn't want to leave my bed. It was the birthday comments that said a lot about peoples relationships with me, that spoke to the ethos of my character. I have so many cousins, and rather than them just wishing me a great day I got, "I miss you so much," "I wish you were home," "remember when we did this..." And my favorite of all was the pictures my younger sister posted of us, making my birthday wish to just be home with them. I loved explaining to my baby sister about being a teen and how that was different than being an adult. I think the ways in which people spoke on our relationship or my character was the logos in which it influenced how I responded to them and considered the importance of celebrating my birthday, or just my 19 years of experiences and memories.